So I was thinking about a few things today. It has truly been one heck of a year so far. And despite all the trials, all the tribulation, all the frustration, all the regrets - God has continued to bless me with innumerable gifts. It becomes so easy to thank God when life is good; times when every piece of the puzzle fits so neatly together. As we all know, however, He never lets us off quite that easy. Perspective. Perspective is what I continue to gain in my day-to-day life. When it rains, it often pours. And suddenly - without warning - those pieces refuse to fit together. Situations go awry, people get sick, and we fall into making bad decisions. Struggle. Struggle is what I continue to do in many aspects of my life. In overcoming, it takes work, it takes faith, and it takes constant prayer. I can recall being nine years old. Most everything makes sense when you're nine, yet nothing really does at all. Kneeling in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament in a small chapel in North Carolina, my focus was drawn to two words written by the Missionaries of Charity off to the side of the Crucifix - "I thirst." Jesus Christ, in all His abundant glory, thirsts. Desire. Desire is what I found in my heart that day... a desire to lay "it" all down for Him.
For what, or whom, does Christ thirst? The answer of course is me. He wants me, and He wants all of me - each and every moment of every single day. How can I begin to give myself to God when pain, frustration, and fear succumb my senses? It takes work, it takes faith, it takes prayer, and most importantly it takes a choice. God, in all His infinite wisdom, gave me free will - free will to choose Him above all things... when I struggle, when I have nobody to turn to, and when I need Him most of all. With a choice comes a sacrifice, and it's one I hardly find myself desiring to make. It's so easy to talk about making the right decision, but when it comes down to it am I willing to lay it all down? Tomorrow, God. It's always tomorrow, never realizing it's here today. Courage. God grant me courage - courage to be His instrument, to witness to those I surround myself with on a daily basis. Am I doing all I can? Does arrogance continue to plague my heart? Am I willing to let it separate me from my friends? My family? My relationship with my God? And what's it worth? Can anything compare to the joy and solace one finds in simple humility? I must continue to find the value in adversity. Mistakes are made, and I make them every day. God does not desire for me to dwell on them. I refuse to let regret hinder my actions any longer. Forgiveness. I ask for a sincere forgiveness, and I move on - continuing to acquire peace and zeal for unbridled perfection. Faith. God grant me the faith of a mustard seed... to become the man I'm capable of being... one with whom He can respond, "Well done, My good and faithful servant."
